Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Channeling Eva Gabor in Kirishima

As the floor plan shows, the lower levels of big Japanese resort hotels have something for everyone.

Last week, in Kirishima, Kyushu, Japan, I walked through the hotel's amusement area dressed in a yukata, clutching a towel, heading for the stairs to the outdoors hot springs.

People were laughing and joking and drinking. Their kids were playing arcade games, puzzled why the claw machines always miss the chute. 

One of the groups waved me over. I recall they were from Hakodate, Hokkaido, the cold North. A glass appeared that never emptied. 

I don't remember much about the evening. I woke next morning in pain.

I remembered the karaoke. They persuaded me to get on stage where I chose Madonna's "Like a Virgin" hoping to channel William Schatner and his spoken songs. Instead, it was more Boris Karloff (think "Monster Mash"), disintegrating into Eva Gabor as I got more breathy.

I remembered the cries of "tatu, tatu." 

Do they want me to interpret a number by t.A.T.u., the Russian girl band? The duo was quite a hit in Japan when they performed as kissing lesbians, dressed in schoolgirl outfits.

No they wanted me to have what I took to be a temporary tattoo. I stretched out on a futon in a side room and asked for the name of my partner to be applied to my left shoulder.

I fell asleep, and remember no more until I woke next morning in my hotel room, still in my yukata.

But it was the pain: not just my head, but my left shoulder.

It does say "Diwght" and it isn't a temporary tatt. May I have the wisdom to accept what I cannot change, including published misspellings.

Note the publication date (above); this post is fiction.


  1. Jolly joke! Happy April Fools Day in Japan!

  2. "Collection of April 1 Posts" could make the best seller lists

    1. You're very kind: I like the optimism of "could." It's freeing, posting something I wouldn't post if I was in the job market and at the mercy of HR departments.